I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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