Sponge bath it is.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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