we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
