Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
