so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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