Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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