she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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