Im at strip club and am horny
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
