I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
