He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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