and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
