hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just pee around me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
