it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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