I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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