Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As shirtless as possible
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
