I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pooping to opera.
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