Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize