Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
