Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
