I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
3 2 1 whiskey
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
