Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
