I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
