Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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