youre lurking in front of me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
