i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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