I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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