Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
