the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
