Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
