im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
