I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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