sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
