The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
