Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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