goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
