Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
