i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
