I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
