and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
