at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
