He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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