DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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