if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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