so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
