I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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