Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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