I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I cannot find my penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
