Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
