You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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