6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
