it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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