My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
