my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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