guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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