Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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