You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
