Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
