Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize