I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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