I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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