A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
