yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
