on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
