are you still at the devil's house?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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