dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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