The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm like, not good at living.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
