Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
