True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
