You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize