puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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