I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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