Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
