you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
