I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
