Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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