You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize