Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
