I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
