my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
