Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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