Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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