bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize