just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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