But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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