nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
